**The Struggles of a Woman Seeking Spiritual Liberation: My Journey with Buddhism**

As many of my followers are aware, my spiritual journey has been marked by a deep and ongoing exploration of various religious traditions and practices. Over the years, I have delved into different schools of thought, seeking to understand the mysteries of existence and the path to enlightenment. Most recently, I have been focused on the concept of white light in meditation, a symbol that appears across many spiritual traditions and which I believe holds profound significance. This light, which represents purity, clarity, and transcendence, has become a central focus of my practice and meditation. Through it, I hope to attain deeper insight and eventually reach a state of enlightenment.

I have now reached a pivotal moment in my life. After years of study and practice, I feel ready to take the next step—one that will involve a complete dedication of my life to spiritual pursuit. I have decided that I want to embrace the ascetic life, withdrawing from worldly distractions and retreating into nature to immerse myself fully in meditation. My desire is to live a life of simplicity, devotion, and focused spiritual practice, with the ultimate aim of attaining the wisdom that lies beyond ordinary understanding.

Last year, I was introduced to Buddhism, a tradition that offers profound insights into the nature of suffering and the path to liberation. I found the teachings of Buddhism deeply compelling, particularly its focus on mindfulness, impermanence, and non-self. These concepts resonate with my own experience and aspirations, and I began to consider the possibility of ordaining as a Buddhist monk, hoping that the Buddhist community could offer the structure and support I need to fully devote myself to my practice.

However, as I delved deeper into the tradition, I was confronted with an uncomfortable truth—one that has left me questioning my place within this tradition. Buddhism, particularly in certain countries and monastic settings, has a deeply entrenched gender hierarchy. I was shocked to discover that, within many Buddhist communities, women are often treated as secondary to men in terms of access to resources, teachings, and even the most sacred practices. In some cases, men are given preferential treatment in areas such as food, accommodation, and the allocation of spiritual teachings. This gender bias is not something I had encountered to such a degree in other spiritual traditions, such as Hinduism, where many ashrams and yogic communities have been more inclusive and equal in their treatment of both men and women.

In Hinduism, while there are certainly challenges and issues to address, I have found that both men and women are given equal opportunities to engage with the teachings and practices. In contrast, within Buddhism, the apparent prioritization of men has made me question whether ordination as a woman would place me at a disadvantage on my spiritual path. This sense of inequality is troubling, as I have always believed that the pursuit of enlightenment is a universal quest, open to all regardless of gender.

Despite these challenges, I have not given up on my search. I continue to explore different Buddhist monasteries and teachings, looking for a place where I can devote myself fully to meditation and spiritual growth. Yet, I am left with the question of whether Buddhism, as it is practiced in many parts of the world, truly offers a path that is equal for women, or whether my journey will always be hampered by these ingrained gender biases.

It is a difficult realization, yet I refuse to allow these obstacles to define my spiritual path. I remain committed to my practice and to the understanding that enlightenment is not bound by gender. I know that the essence of spiritual awakening transcends the limitations of the material world, including the societal constructs that govern gender.

I continue to believe that my spiritual journey is uniquely my own, and perhaps the challenges I face are part of the lesson. The path may not always be easy, but it is the depth of my practice, the clarity of my intention, and the purity of my heart that will ultimately guide me to the light I seek. I will continue to explore, to question, and to meditate, trusting that in time, I will find the support and guidance I need to realize my highest aspirations.

While I have yet to find a perfect solution or a monastery that fully aligns with my needs, I remain hopeful. I know that the light I seek is not bound by the constraints of human society, and that through dedication and perseverance, I will continue to move forward on my path. I trust that in time, the answers will become clear, and the light I have been pursuing will shine ever brighter, undisturbed by the limitations of the world around me.