“When someone treats you like crap, just remember it’s because there’s something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don’t go around destroying other people’s lives.” ~Unknown
View your life as a toxic-free zone! If someone treats you badly don’t lower yourself to their level. Stay toxicity free. Simply do what you can to move on. ~ Karen Salmansohn
𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙏𝙧𝙖𝙪𝙢𝙖 𝘽𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜?
𝙆𝙖𝙨𝙚𝙮 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙖 𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙜𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙂𝙪𝙮.
“𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙩. 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙜𝙝 𝙄 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙩.”
➜ Two months later he suddenly disappeared out of her life. She was left with a deeply wounded heart and didn’t know what to do with all this new pain.
➜ One week later Guy comes back into her life with apologies steeped in love. He missed her so much it hurt him to be apart. He wants her back and promises he’ll never leave again. He can’t live without her.
➜ Kasey, stuck in toxic patterns from her childhood, craves the emotional connection so badly that she is blinded by his affections. She lets him back into her life, into her home.
The term “Trauma Bond” was coined by Patrick Carnes to describe the cycle of put downs, aggression, shame, guilt, neglect, abuse, and punishment that forms a strong emotional attachment.
Trauma Bonding is a cycle that has been described as addictive as gambling.
In Trauma Bonds there is a term called “trauma addiction”. This happens when the body produces a rush of adrenaline and endorphins in a threatening situation. Both people in the relationship can feel this rush. When the rush has become familiar you can’t imagine what a relationship would be like without it. The concept is simply not in your head and heart.
➜ If you have complex childhood trauma the toxic patterns are more addictive and difficult to break free from.
➜You feel as though you are stuck in the relationship – stuck in the Trauma Bond.
➜ If you have been born into the Toxic Patterns you’ll find that a narcissistic person is very attractive to you.
➜ You are drawn to them like a magnet.
➜ They are devilishly handsome and charming, and promise to sweep you off your feet with one look.
➜ Your patterns fit like a glove, so it’s familiar, and sometimes familiar is what we are comfortable with.
➜ In order for a narcissistic person to do “his thing” he needs someone who is used to being a victim, so they can play out the drama.
Within the Toxic Patterns you NEED a man to give you romance and protection. You NEED a man to give you safety and security.
So, you play the NEED card and a narcissistic person will feel the vibes and be highly attracted to you.
If you remain in the relationship you learn coping strategies to survive in a constantly threatening environment. You learn that any form of criticism to the narc, who has vulnerable self-esteem issues, will set off a flurry of rage as the narc desperately tries to prove his worth while putting you down.
You might receive moments of relief when he’s feeling kind and loving, but there’s always that underlying feeling that if you do something wrong they’ll snap. So, you wake up in the morning wondering, “Is this going to be a good day, or a bad day?”
➜ Eventually, after a few years or perhaps even lifetimes of living in this pattern, you’ll feel as if you are stuck loving an abuser while craving and hoping for a better life.
➜ You will constantly be struggling to build a strong sense of self, self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. You might even surrender to the facade of positive thinking, “I’m okay. Everything is ok” while inside you are crying in despair.